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Author Topic: Clan Orel'an, the Hunters' Den  (Read 12758 times)
Geckilian
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NuraSen'Malog


« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2011, 11:56:09 pm »

Right-o, I'll try and colour code new additions.

Concerning the frequency of the graku'kan, maybe a proportion of the Knights ride them similar to the mix of KalDerak and KalGush for the Delgon? So not quite characters, but more of an inner circle within the Knights?

In terms of appearance I imagine them to be near twice the size of a graku, bulkier in the waist and thicker in the shoulders, forearms, hips and thighs. Head would only be about 1 and a half times the size of a regular graku. With the discussion about a poisonous bite, I think of them as somewhat grumpy komodo dragons, maybe a bit faster.
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Geckilian
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« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2011, 02:48:18 pm »

Right, added some detail on two select rock formations, reordered some of the paragraphs to fit with the new subsections and what not. Later tonight I'll add some detail to the economics, myths and notables sections - I may need to cannibalise a third of my earlier posts, as ideally I'd like the whole thing to be in consecutive posts. No idea if posts can be moved around within a topic?

I also coloured the new additions green, including anything I reworded. Apologies if anyone is colourblind and has trouble seeing it, if so let me know and I'll try another colour.
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Carcharoth
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« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2011, 06:10:14 pm »

The green works well.

How does the warm spring water taste? Good or bad?
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Geckilian
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« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2011, 07:59:20 pm »

The doughty Oreli would no doubt say it tastes adequate, and helps reflect the harsh reality of battle. To those not from the wastes it likely tastes slightly bitter, though as such it has been used in several dishes to great effect.

Edit: Added more information to the military section, most notably about Kad'erac Hef, the inclusion of mercenaries within the knights, and herders. Also added bios for Orel'an Het, Jehrah Pelaan and Kad'erac Hef.
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Megatron0
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« Reply #19 on: May 09, 2011, 08:26:45 pm »

They should freeze it at night in open vats! that might cool it down Smiley
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Geckilian
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« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2011, 11:11:59 pm »

Hmm. Interesting idea, though such an approach would probably only arise if enough potential buyers wished for it to be cold, as the Oreli still consider it to be comparatively cool, since the outside of their home is the wastes.

Also added the economics and trade section, still working on myths. In fun and interesting news, up to over 6k words.
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Megatron0
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« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2011, 12:04:37 am »

Hmm. Interesting idea, though such an approach would probably only arise if enough potential buyers wished for it to be cold, as the Oreli still consider it to be comparatively cool, since the outside of their home is the wastes.

Only the rich Fubarnii should drink this new fangled 'Iced' water Cheesy

In fun and interesting news, up to over 6k words.

That is some serious wordage right there. 4k+ and you will have written more then I did on my uni dissertation :/
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Geckilian
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« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2011, 03:09:01 pm »

Hmm, iced water as a reserve of the rich would work fairly well for some clans, and Clan Orel'an may do it purely to sell it to them, but I don't feel it quite fits with their general lifestyle, but it's still a good idea as a whole, cheers.

As for serious wordage, cheers. I'm aiming for over the 10k mark to start with, then from there it's fleshing out smaller and smaller details and what not. As such, I've added the first 2 myths on the first page of this thread, and if I get enough time this evening I'll try to add another or two. Feedback as always is greatly appreciated, as I've aimed for the first 2 to be somewhat bleak or bittersweet.
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Lost Egg
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« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2011, 04:43:51 pm »

Right just finished reading the revised opening sections. Got a couple of quick points...

First off it might be a good idea to update your map as Orel only appears on the far left hand side.

With the section on Naralon Forest I can't imagine many Fubarnii would go to the trouble and excess of building dwellings in trees just to see if they were attacked. Perhaps instead they notice that some areas were attacked while others were not.

Will try and read some more in a bit.

HN
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Geckilian
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« Reply #24 on: May 10, 2011, 06:26:46 pm »

Yeah, I really do need to revise the map, it's simply working out exactly what I want to add to it first.

I imagine the fubarnii building within the forest and trying to test the limits with what they have, which is building materials, rather than waiting to see who gets attacked. In the long run they get attacked anyway, and notice which areas it is as you mention.

Also, managed to paint up a test Enuk Haderis -



It's the Nobilis, minus the scales on it's back (I'm aware they aren't really scales) and nose ridge, with the underside of the neck slightly trimmed too. Makes a good bulkier enuk. I also had to bend it down slightly, to get away from the aloof look.
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Lost Egg
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« Reply #25 on: May 10, 2011, 06:46:52 pm »

I like the conversion, works well.

Myths are cool, especially the first one.

Definitely picking up the hunter theme, any plans to give the hunters other beasts to work with? Perhaps some kind of flyer?

HN
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Carcharoth
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« Reply #26 on: May 11, 2011, 10:18:52 pm »

Nice job with the enuk haderis. If you felt more ambitious I would suggest you bulked out and lengthened the tail to balance the forward-leaning pose.

I've been doodling this evening and would like to run this past you all, particularly Geckilian...

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Geckilian
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« Reply #27 on: May 11, 2011, 10:33:49 pm »

Oh my. Oh my indeed.

That is simply excellent, and pretty much exactly spot on when I envisage the Knights of Orelis. A huge thank you Mike.

I especially like the more feral tribal designs compared to the knights of the central empire, and the helmet mirroring the graku'kan is a great touch that hadn't occurred to me at all. Glad to see the baggage, as they spend a lot of time on missons escorting traders or hunting down threats. I can't really think of anything to change.

At times I wonder if a concept artwork should make me this enthusiastic about writing.
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Megatron0
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« Reply #28 on: May 11, 2011, 10:34:15 pm »

Yes I really like it and it really fits.
also the knights pack is a great touch Cheesy
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Beastlord
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« Reply #29 on: May 11, 2011, 10:45:48 pm »

I love that! I want one! When can I have one?  Shocked Grin
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